Rollo May's exploration of love and will provides a profound lens through which to view modern societal challenges but also certain mental health challenges such as anxiety and lack of purpose in life. He posits that love and will, while fundamental to the human experience, have become distorted in contemporary society.
Love
Commercialization and Superficiality: In modern society, love is often commercialized and portrayed in a shallow, idealized manner. This portrayal can lead to unrealistic expectations about relationships, reducing the deep, existential commitment that love entails to mere sentimentality or physical attraction.
Technological Mediation: The rise of technology and social media has transformed how people connect and express love. While technology can enhance connectivity, it can also lead to superficial interactions that lack the depth and authenticity in relationships. This mediated form of love often misses the empathetic, deeply personal engagement that May saw as essential to love.
Will
Loss of Agency: In a world increasingly driven by external pressures individuals may feel a diminished sense of personal agency. Maybe no one ever taught them the importance of that either. This can lead to a passive existence where personal will is suppressed or overridden by societal expectations or the overwhelming array of choices presented by modern life. Contemporary society often promotes a form of hyper-individualism that focuses on self-promotion and personal success at the expense of community and relationships. This can corrupt the concept of will, turning what should be a powerful force for personal and collective growth into a self-centered pursuit.
May argued that love and will are interdependent; love is the recognition and acceptance of the other as a separate entity, and will is the capacity to act from one’s own center to affirm this recognition. In modern contexts, however, there is a growing disconnection between these two. People may pursue personal will (goals, desires) without a grounding in love (empathy, connection), leading to relationships and societal structures that are unbalanced and devoid of deeper humanistic values.
In parenthood, people tend to sometimes forget that caring for someone means helping them grow to become independent and take agency for their lives. And unavoidably, this involves effort and sometimes pain as we know that human beings evolve through challenges, effort and courage to face difficulties instead of retreating in the first bump that comes their way. This is definitely challenging for a parent, witnessing their children struggle, but its part of becoming resilient.
The consumer culture often encourages fulfilling desires (a form of will) without considering the ethical or relational aspects of these actions (grounded in love). This leads to a society where choices are made based on personal gain rather than mutual benefit or ethical considerations.
The conflict between love and will has significant mental health implications. The loneliness epidemic, increased anxiety, and depressive disorders could perhaps also be partly attributed to this disconnection. Relationships, both personal and communal, suffer when love and will are out of balance. Without the grounding force of genuine love, actions can become too self-serving. We need to reintegrate love and will—where decisions are made with consideration for personal authenticity and the well-being of others.
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